Quotes
 No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. The folks in Mississippi are saying, `Thank God for Texas.`
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We`ve had to be creative to get on the ballot.
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If you ain`t Texan, I ain`t got time for you.
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Students don`t know who Mark Twain was because he wasn`t on the test.
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We`re first on executions. We`re 49th in funding public education. We`re in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we`re winning.
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The first thing I`ll do if elected is demand a recount.
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I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it`s just not in a place I can show you.
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I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
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I`m too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
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Young people are the key to this election.
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If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
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How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
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We were a country band with a social conscience.
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A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
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Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
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You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
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I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
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I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
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I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
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I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn`t hold `em under long enough.
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The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
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When I`m governor... I`ll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
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You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
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May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
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Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.
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We`ve got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
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I see an issue I like, and I support it.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That`s very important in my life.
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I don`t remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
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Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won`t get a lot done in the mornings, but we`ll work late and be honest.
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I`ll tell you right now. I`m for prayer in school.
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Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
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I`ve always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
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These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
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Yes, I`m a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
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Remember: Y`all is singular. All y`all is plural. All y`all`s is plural possessive.
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I`ll sign anything except bad legislation.
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The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
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I`ll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
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Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
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William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
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And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
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