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 Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. I`m slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can`t motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles. If a job`s worth doing, it`s too hard. You don`t have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they`ve taught me. Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. The only risk of failure is promotion. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Give a man a fish, and you`ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he`ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you`re a consultant. Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching. You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there`s a lot more living to go, but there isn`t much doubt that I`ll always be the `Dilbert guy.` Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I`ll be `that stabbin` Dilbert guy.` Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent. Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue. You haven’t achieved equality until you’re a legitimate target for humor. Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately. | ||
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