Biography
Friends and Family
Catherine Carson
[Sister]
::
Richard Carson
[Brother]
::
Ruth Hook Carson
[Mother]
::
Homer R. Carson
[Father]
Trivia and Quotes
Quotes
 Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.” For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off
He`s so fat, he can be his own running mate
If it weren`t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we`d still be eating frozen radio dinners
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money”
To this day I can`t get aroused until I see a pair of rubber dice hanging from the mirror
We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn`t grow up can be vice president
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won`t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill
He couldn`t ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
Talent alone won`t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: `Are your ready
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money
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