In Boise on the Rancid, tour I went to run up the wall and jump off it but my foot went straight through instead and my leg was buried in the wall up to my knee. I tried to play a blazing solo to take people’s minds off it but I don’t think it worked…

AFireInside, to me, means these three other guys who drink all the soy milk backstage before I get a damn drop of it.

So, anyway, the point of this history lesson is don`t be too bummed when you hear people criticizing or doubting what our next album will be, because if the history of AFI has taught us anything, it is that I am buff.

Well, I was named after Mick Jagger`s daughter, Jade Jagger. How emasculating is it to be named after a girl! But I think I handled it well, it`s not like I ended up wearing makeup and girl`s pants.

We`re getting super radly awesome close to being done. We finally finished backing vocals and they came out totally 100% neat. I made plenty of super cool faces while I was singing, like this one where I had my eyes all clenched tight and then I hit this high note and looked up to the sky and slowly raised my fist like Whitney Houston in "I Will Always Love You". Another time, I ate all the cheese bagels and Adam was mad. In other news, we had a photo shoot today for the album artwork in this old abandoned building. Here`s what happened to me there: I stepped on a dead mouse, sat in a stinky pigeon nest, and set my glasses down in crack head puke.

I hit on your girlfriend, I hit on Davey`s wife, I gave your grandpa a sponge bath, I`m down for whatever!

God, remember Tab cola? It was so nasty, possibly the worst soft drink ever, even worse than Crystal Pepsi. I`ll always think of Tab as the beverage of choice for child molesters because I knew this creepy old man who drank it and he must have been a child molester because all old people are child molesters.

Boxers. Briefs are stupid. Briefs constrict your shit.

So things are going just swell; we eat bagels, we play songs, we take our shirts off and wrestle.

Tell him to come check me out when I`m shredding some sweet finger tapping solos and then he`ll be like, ‘Power chords blah blah blah.’ And I`ll hit the whammy bar and it`ll sound like a plane crashing at an air show and then he`ll try to say some other stuff like, ‘Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.’ And that`s when I fire up the wah-wah pedal and it`ll be like ‘Wokka wokka wokka wo-wokka wokka.’ All up in his freakin` face.

I didn`t get my membership stuff! Weak! I stole the patch and armband from Fritch, though, so in your face Fritch!

Hmm, maybe instead of jumping off the drum riser you could just step carefully down off of it but make a crazy I`m-going-off-really-hard face while you`re doing it so people think you`re doing some insane stage move.

Even when I go see one of my favorite bands, I start to get bored/tired/over it after an hour and a half. If they said, ‘Guess what! We`ll be playing for 2 hours tonight!’, you`d see a Jade-shaped hole in the front door.

The whole time we were recording, we were trying to get permission from Winona Ryder to use her ‘My whole life is a dark room’ part from Beetlejuice but we never heard from her so we said, "Fuck it, we`ll use our own spooky dark-haired girl," and called in Davey.

Can`t the lemons and pancakes just get along?

Sorry, that was me, not Davey that made that post, I seem to have a habit of using his name to pick up girls... *cough*...”boys”...*cough cough*...

So Davey won World`s Sexiest Vegetarian again. Whatever. I won World`s Buffest Kickboxer, AGAIN. Jeez, that`s gotta be like 10 times in a row now I`ve won that?

I`m so fucked on the show tonight. Fudged. Sorry kids, if you curse you`re the worst.

Mainly I`ve been dividing my time between working on my biceps by benchpressing Ferraris filled with supermodels and teaching the homeless to read.

Umm, we`re working on the mood lighting. We`ve been working on the mood lighting for two days, and we had to get a runner get some candles. These are the candles that were used on the Milli Vanilli record, so we got those in here. So hopefully, probably spend another few days on the mood lighting, and then we`re gonna try to spend a day tweeking out the ping-pong table.

Je suis un pamplemousse. DONNEZ-MOI TOUS VOS CROISSANTS!

Next time I come to Phoenix we are so going clubbing Chanelle No. 5. I`ll wear my pink sleeveless see-through nipple shirt with the Pegasus and rainbow on it.

I remember Adam gave me this crappy piece of binder paper with a list of all these songs for me to learn and some had checks by them, some had stars, some were underlined but I already new how to play them so I threw that damn crappy crap-ass piece of dumb binder paper in the damn garbage.

Yes, I`m a vegetarian, but not because I love animals. I`m a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Davey doesn`t watch the damn road when he`s driving. I`m sure if we crashed, he would be fine and I would be embedded in a tree. If he ever kills me with his driving though, I`m gonna come back as a squirrel and run up his pant leg.

If you really want to see some ill patty cake, you have to see Davey and I do it. And then watch us play patty cake.

Get off the internet and read a book!

If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to this question be the same as the answer to the first question?

Hmm, corn nuts. Can`t say I`m a big fan. I`m more of an apple pie kinda guy because it reminds me of sex and death.

I thought if I had a son, I would name him "Salt" but I`d spell it "NaCl."