Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

True Yankees are born, not made.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

I wasn`t the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn`t shut up.

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

If it doesn`t know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

(Expressing his displeasure about not getting enough screen time on "Saturday Night Live" (1975)): "All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week...It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous".

"I think I made a mistake once...yeah...it was only once."