Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

If God wanted us to bend over he`d put diamonds on the floor.

I don`t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I`d look like without plastic surgery.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God`s gift, that`s why we call it the present.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Never floss with a stranger.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she`s a tramp.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I`ll consider it.