 [Josh is trying to learn how to play football by playng a video game]
Josh Nichols: Left! No, right! Pass! Not the sack! Not the sack!
Video game: Uh! The sack! Drake Parker: I really like music.
Josh Nichols: I really like cheese.
Drake Parker: If I had to live on an island and only take 1,000 things with me, I`d take this stereo, these headphones, and 997 CD`s. And a girl.
Josh Nichols: You might think all cheese is the same, but there are different kinds. You got your American, Gouda, Feta...
Drake Parker: There`s all sorts of kinds of music. Pop, Hip-hop, Jazz...
Josh Nichols: And my personal favorite...
Drake Parker: And my favorite, Rock `n` Roll.
Josh Nichols: ...Cheddar
Drake Parker: Josh doesn`t like music as much as I do.
Josh Nichols: Drake doesn`t care for cheese as much as I do.
Drake Parker, Josh Nichols: [in unison] Oh, well. His loss.
Drake Parker: Ahh, Music.
Josh Nichols: Ahh, Cheese.
Drake Parker: You didn`t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.
Mrs. Hafer: Drake, what`s your favorite novel from the 20th century?
Drake Parker: Uh... Catcher in the Rye.
Mrs. Hafer: Wrong.
Josh Nichols: [about the two tough, scary-looking biker thugs he hired to scare Drake] Drake, meet Chip and Ronnie. My old camp counselors.
[laughs]
Drake Parker: [pause] Where did you go to camp?
[repeated line]
Drake Parker, Josh Nichols: Megan!
Josh Nichols: [about Megan] Such big evil in such a little girl.
Mr. Nichols: [needing a last minute birthday gift for Audrey] Uh, get her some toothpaste. She`s always using toothpaste!
Josh Nichols: Dad, there`s two-hundred dollars here.
Mr. Nichols: Well, get her some mouthwash, too! I`M JUST A MAN!
Drake Parker: You`re the best evil sister ever.
Josh Nichols: You know the closet in the hall.
Drake Parker: The hall closet.
Josh Nichols: Yah, I stuffed it full of underwear so when she opens it, she`ll get burried up to her evil little head in dirty underwear.
Drake Parker: Eww, yours?
Josh Nichols: Dads...
Drake Parker: Ewer.
Josh Nichols: Pinch me!
Drake Parker: I`m not pinching any part of you.
Helen: You!
Josh Nichols: Me?
Helen: Thats your name, id`nit?
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!
Drake Parker: No they won`t... they are gonna kill you.
Josh Nichols: I`m trying to study!
Drake Parker: Why?
Drake Parker: I love s`mores!
Josh Nichols: Who doesn`t?
Drake Parker: I don`t know, s`more haters?
Josh Nichols: Good point.
Drake Parker: What are you smiling about?
Josh Nichols: The great Drake, grounded, for two weeks. I love it!
Drake Parker: Yeah? Me too.
Josh Nichols: Eh?
Drake Parker: 2 weeks, layin` in bed, no school, playin` a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringing me pizza`s. Yeah, bein` grounded is baad.
Josh Nichols: I don`t know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty.
Drake Parker: Well, take a bath when you get home.
Drake Parker: [talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she`s just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good.
Josh Nichols: [talking about how Drake needs to break up with his girlfriend] All you need to do is act un-youish.
Drake Parker: I`m not Jewish.
Josh Nichols: No! Un-Drakeish
Josh Nichols: Drake, we`re supposed to be studying for our driving test!
Drake Parker: [playing a driving video game] I am!
Josh Nichols: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.
Drake Parker: Do you know that for sure?
Josh Nichols: [Josh is trying to study while Drake is playing a loud video game] Drake, the volume!
Drake Parker: Oh, right.
[Drake gets the remote and turns it louder]
Drake Parker: [after he has lost money to Megan at Darts] Hey - you just hustled me!
Megan Parker: No, I didn`t. I just pretended to be bad, so you`d bet money and then I`d win!
Drake Parker: That`s hustling!
Megan Parker: There`s a name for it?
[takes the money from Drake]
Megan Parker: Cool..
Drake Parker: [after seeing spattered tomato on the bedroom wall] Who exploded?
Josh Nichols: [with accent] I kissed your wife.
Josh Nichols: [taking smores out of oven] Hello, smores!
Josh Nichols: Ahh! Hello Pain!
Josh Nichols: [he sticks his arm in pitcher of milk]
Drake Parker: [staring at Josh] Uhh... Josh, they usually put the prize in the cereal, not the milk.
Josh Nichols: Uh, oh. The cops. Oh, sweet, sweet karma!
Drake Parker: Do I get to wear that purdy apron?
Mr. Nichols: Sure Josh knows basketball, I taught him myself.
Mr. Nichols: [shows off with basketball]
Mr. Nichols: [throws ball at Drake] Think fast!
[ball misses and hits a lamp]
Drake Parker: Lamps don`t think that fast.
Megan Parker: Why is Josh screaming? Have the eggs hatched?
[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: And now I`m alone...
[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: Oh, jeez...
[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: Headaches! You give me headaches!
Trivia
In some exterior shots of the cinema Josh works at, there is a shot next door with the name "Schneider`s Bakery", the name of Dan Schneider`s production company.
Drake`s main guitar is a J.B.P. stratocaster look-alike
|
Chelsea Brummet
with Drake Bell
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