Trivia and Quotes
Quotes
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Dennis: I brought my own pillow so I won`t get my spit all over yours.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Thank you, Dennis.
George Wilson: I can`t stand that kid, he`s a menace!
Switchblade Sam: Put a cork in it, you`re giving me a headache.
Dennis: I don`t have a cork.
Switchblade Sam: Shut your mouth.
Dennis: I can`t because my nose is stuffy, because of my allergies. If I shut my mouth, I can`t breathe good.
Switchblade Sam: Then keep your mouth open, but don`t talk.
Dennis: Where do you put the cork when you put a cork in it?
Switchblade Sam: [Pants irritably a couple times] Didn`t I ask you to shut your yap?
Dennis: What`s a yap?
Switchblade Sam: It`s your mouth!
Dennis: I can`t shut my mouth because my nose is stuffy -...
Switchblade Sam: SHUT UP!
[echoes]
Henry Mitchell: Mr. Wilson, he`s five.
George Wilson: When I was five I had some respect.
Henry Mitchell: Well you were probably a pretty exceptional boy.
George Wilson: 1925? I wasn`t the exception. I was the rule.
Margaret: Don`t call me stupid, baby rump kisser!
Henry Mitchell: You go sit in the corner and think about what you`ve done.
Dennis: For how long?
Henry Mitchell: Until you`re sorry.
Dennis: Oh good, I`m sorry now.
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: He can`t sit in the corner, I`m taking him over to Margaret`s house.
Dennis: [screams] Margaret`s house? I didn`t do anything bad enough to deserve to go to her house. She`ll drive me insane, she`s a lunatic, she tortures me, she`s ugly, she doesn`t share!
Margaret: [On the subject of where babies come from and how they get out of their mothers] Tell me, Dennis, how?
Dennis: The bellybutton. It opens up.
Margaret: Then how come men have them?
Dennis: So they don`t look awkward in bathing suits.
Mickey: [reading Dennis a story] How can a train grow?
Dennis: He eats all his coal and gets plenty of sleep.
Mickey: But what`s the point of reading lies?
Dennis: It teaches kids to eat all their food and go to bed when they`re supposed to.
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: [Dennis doesn`t want to go to Margaret`s house] You can`t spend the summer unsupervised, you`re out of school.
Dennis: I`ll go back!
George Wilson: Why do you ask so many questions?
Dennis: I`ve only been around for five years, there`s a lot of things I don`t know yet.
Dennis: I have one more question.
Switchblade Sam: What?
Dennis: What does a hostage have to do?
Switchblade Sam: Nothing.
Dennis: Then how come you need one?
Switchblade Sam: Incase the cops show up!
Dennis: Do I get to use a gun?
Switchblade Sam: No you get to stand in front of me incase the cops use a gun.
Margaret: You know why men are so lousey when it comes to taking care of babies?
Dennis: They have better things to do.
Margaret: Like what? Play golf and drink beer?
Dennis: No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars, cleaning fish. Do you know how to do that?
Joey: Me?
Dennis: Margaret.
Joey: Oh, okay.
Margaret: If you didn`t have women, you wouldn`t have babies, which means you wouldn`t have people.
Joey: And if you didn`t have men, who`d drive the ladies to the hospital?
George Wilson: This is an important event for me, Dennis.
Dennis: I know.
George Wilson: So, you mind whatever manners you have and don`t make a pest of yourself.
Dennis: Okay.
George Wilson: Don`t embarrass me.
George Wilson: Was Dennis in our bathroom?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Yes.
George Wilson: I think the little rat put mouth wash in my nasal spray, and toilet cleanser in my mouth wash.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Oh, why would he do something like that?
George Wilson: [smiles sarcastically] Must you ask?
ennis: Hi, Mrs. Wilson. Is Mr. Wilson up yet?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Not yet, dear.
Dennis: How much longer do you think he`s gonna sleep for?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Not too much longer. He`s having his picture taken this morning.
Dennis: For what?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: He`s being honored for his garden.
Dennis: [pauses and looks back at the yard, then looks at Mrs. Wilson again] Do you he`ll get mad if I wun upstairs.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: What do you want to go upstairs for?
Dennis: I made him a "I`m-Sorry, I Threw Paint On Your Chicken" card!
Mrs. Martha Wilson: That`s very nice, Dennis.
Margaret: You guys are the boring ones. There`s lots to do.
Dennis: Oh, really? Like what?
Margaret: We could practice singing songs. Or put on a play, or a puppet show.
Joey: We could bury you alive.
Margaret: I could pound your face.
Lieutenant: My advice to you is to just follow the sun on out of here.
Switchblade Sam: The only reason I ain`t moving on is `cause you stopped to give me the breeze.
[Mr. Wilson approaches, covered in flour]
George Wilson: He`s only a boy, huh?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: You lied to a toddler, George.
George Wilson: [chuckles]
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Well, think how disappointed he`s gonna be when he gets home.
George Wilson: Well, he`d better get used to it, this disappointment`s gonna be a big part of his life. He`s a foot short for his age, and he`s cross-eyed.
Dennis: You`ve got everything figured out, haven`t you, Mr. Wilson?
George Wilson: I haven`t figured out yet how I`m gonna get my work done with you in the house.
Dennis: That`s a tough one.
[in bed at night]
Mrs. Martha Wilson: George, are you sleeping?
George Wilson: I was until you started yakin`.
[Dennis is looking into a voyeur of women magazine]
Dennis: Boy, you`ve got to be pretty brave to be riding on a tiger in your underpants.
George Wilson: Put that away, that`s not for kids.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: George, take Dennis`s suitcases up to the guest room, please.
George Wilson: He`s got arms.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Don`t start, dear.
George Wilson: How come when everyone feasts on the pleasures of life, I get the indigestion?
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Because you`re an old grump!
George Wilson: Martha! Where are the GD garden lanterns?
George Wilson: [the others see the mess Dennis has made. Some people start taking pictures of it]
Mrs. Martha Wilson: [sensing George getting mad] Now, George, take it easy.
George Wilson: [glares at Dennis]
Dennis: [looks back guiltily] I made a mistake?
George Wilson: [just glares back]
George Wilson: [after missing flower show, goes up to flower and grumbles] 40 years down the drain.
[plucks it up and throws it off]
Lieutenant: [to Switchblade Sam] Now look, I run a nice clean town here, and I don`t want any trouble. So my advice to you is to follow the sun on out of here.
George Wilson: You`re a pest. A menace. A selfish, spoiled little boy and I`ve no use for you. You took something from me that I can never get back, something that means more to me than you ever will. You understand? I don`t want to see you, I don`t want to know you. Get out of my way.
[George walks away]
Dennis: [in tears] I`m sorry, Mr. Wilson.
Dennis: [brushing his teeth spots Mr. Wilson`s nasal spray. He opens it up and squirts it] Cool! Old faithful!
[suddenly it runs out]
Dennis: [uses the mouthwash to fill it back up. But now the mouthwash is empty]
Dennis: [uses toilet cleanser to fill the mouthwash up]
George Wilson: [turns on bathroom light and walks in but slips on wet soapy floor, doing a full split at the legs]
George Wilson: [grabs hold of the sink, to pull himself up] New pajamas. God bless them.
George Wilson: [opens medicine cabinet and takes toilet-cleaner mouthwash out. He pours some and gargles on it and then spits it out groaning in disgust]
Mrs. Martha Wilson: [hearing him from upstairs] Poor thing, I wish he`d get the hernia fixed.
George Wilson: [has mouth on running faucet as he`s trying to frantically rinse his mouth]
George Wilson: [sniffling now, he reaches for the nasal spray-mouth wash. He squeezes some up one nostril. Squeezes up the other nostril. His face goes wild as he drops the container]
George Wilson: [howling wildly he plunges his head in the sink full of water and desperately tries cleaning his nose]
Dennis: [singing and splashing around in bathtub] She`ll be coming around the mountain when she comes! She`ll be coming -
[soapy water splashes onto floor]
Henry Mitchell: Your mother made arrangements, that`s it! I don`t want many arguments.
Dennis: My life is falling apart.
Dennis: [on hearing he has to go to Margaret`s house] Aargh!
[Dennis` parents turn at him]
Dennis: Margaret`s house? I`d do anything than go into Margaret`s house! She`s hates me, she`s a lunatic, I`ll go crazy, she tortures me and she doesn`t *share*!
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Hi. This is Alice Mitchell.
Elderly Babysitter: Noooooo.
Switchblade Sam: [to people he`s holding up] Turn AROUND!
George Wilson: G.D. wading pool!
Dennis: [innocently] Hi.
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Did you shoot an aspirin into Mr.Wilson`s mouth?
Henry Mitchell: Oh god!
Dennis: I didn`t want him to bite off my fingers with his big, fake teeth. Those things are sharp!
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: [to Henry] George said Dennis shot an aspirin into his mouth with a slingshot.
Henry Mitchell: What slingshot?
Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Do you have a slingshot?
Dennis: I`m not sure.
Henry Mitchell: Give it to me.
[Dennis sighs and hands over the slingshot]
Trivia
20,000 children auditioned for the part of Dennis. Ten of them were selected to test the role with Walter Matthau. In the end, Mason Gamble got it.
Was known simply as "Dennis" in the UK to avoid confusion with a British comic strip character called "Dennis the Menace" created in the same year (1951).
The nursery rhyme Dennis falls asleep to is Wynken, Blynken, and Nod by Eugene Field.
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Walter Matthau
(as Mr. George Wilson)
with Joan Plowright
(as Mrs. Martha Wilson)
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