You don`t know who anyone really is in LA. The bullshit out there is so thick. You wouldn`t believe the things that people will look you in the eye and say. Being successful in that industry is about more than just swallowing it and deciding to make some money. You`d also have to say, `I like this` and `This is great` when you didn`t mean it. You`d have to play those kind of games. And I can`t do it.
When you`ve taken time off to have a baby and you`ve become all nesty, you`re desperate to get back out there - as long as it`s not too far from home.
I have wanted to act since I was three and that is what I hunger for. I want to play roles that are as diverse and contradictory as possible. As for the rest, I can take it or leave it. I know we are living in this world that is celebrity-obsessed and that comes hand in hand with making movies. In an adult way I try to accept and understand that, and so I do the requisite publicity.
I always think I love work. And I knew early on that I wanted to be an actress. Then I meet people who have truly dedicated their lives to acting, and I realize that I`m so completely in the back seat.
My concentration span is truly that of a gnat. Some people have this ladder, and that`s all there is - the ladder. I have the ladder, too, but there`s a building around it with scaffolding, and lots of windows for me to peek into. Then suddenly I`ll remember, `Oh, there`s the ladder. I should be concentrating on that.`
Imagine you fall in love. It feels fabulous. Then every day you have to complete a questionnaire about it. `What kind of love is it? How do you feel about it in the morning? And at night?` Suddenly you`re analyzing something that seemed intuitive. That`s how it felt with acting. I was forced to dismantle what I felt about it. And when it comes time to `re-mantle,` it`s not the same as it was.
My only rule has been to chop and change. I don`t want to be predictable or typecast - but, more importantly, I don`t want to bore myself or become complacent about what I do.
I remember going to premieres and always going in the side entrance of the cinema. It wasn`t till much later that I made it up the red carpet. I wasn`t being defiant, I just didn`t get it.
Every year that I get work, or every month that I get a role I love, I feel blessed. I don`t have that sense of entitlement that this is my job and I should be doing it for ever. Who is to say that once one project is finished, anyone else will find me interesting? One could fall out of favour for many reasons, so you have to appreciate each role as it comes. It forces you to make the most of what you have when you have it. That really is the only way.
It makes me unhappy if I have to go out two nights in a row. I can`t talk that much. I`m pretty sure that whichever journey I`m on is the right one for me. A high-profile career wouldn`t have suited my personality. Even now, if someone approaches me in the street, I`m on the defensive. Some actors are like flowers basking in the sun - they love the attention, and the fans get what they want. With me it`s different. I know the fans aren`t getting what they want. And I`m certainly not getting what I want.
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