Frank Zappa - Once Upon A Time

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Song Lyrics

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)

Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Bolman

Oh, thank you Frank
And don`t misspell it,
That`s not Marc Bolan
that`s Mark Volman

Hiya friends
I wanna welcome each and everyone of you
I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great
I mean, I feel great
everywhere I go people are always comin` up to me
and they say Mark, Mark, Mark

Mark are you kiddin`
Lemme tell you this friends:
I am not kiddin`
I mean, I am portly and I am maroon
well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?

Aaaah
I can`t guess what you are

Well, then I`ll give you some clues
And the first clue is
I am portly
Does that help?

Not much
No, I don`t know who you are

Okay, I got one
Clue number two:
I am double knit

Does that help?

No, not much
Whaddya mean?

Well, then I`ve to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And I hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three:

Ich bin Maroon!

Ahhhhhhhh you`re a sofa!

Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Volman ...

Thank you, Frank

... trying to convince each and every member
of this extremely hip audience here tonight,
that he was nothing more, nothing less
than a fat maroon sofa,
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
a light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *)

And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord
And he took, he took a look at the sofa,
And he said to himself
"Quite an attractive sofa"
"This sofa could be commercial"

With a few more Margaritas and the right company

However, I digress
"What this sofa needs" said the Big `G`

"Is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
and so in order to make this construction project possible,
he summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers,
and, by means of a cute little song in the German language
(which is the way he talks whenever it`s heavy business)
the Good Lord went something like this:
(take it away Jim Pons!)

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa

Everybody!

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa

and of course ladies and gentlemen that means:
"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa"
and sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness
as far as vision permits,
stretching all the way from Belfast to Bogner Regis
and the Lord put aside his huge cigar
and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa
the bulk of his message
with the assistance of a small electric clarinet
and it went something like this...

take it away Jim Pons!

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa

Everybody!

Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa

And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means:
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa

And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, Stretching all the way from Belfast to Bagner Regious And The Lord put aside his huge cigar And proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message With the assistance of a small electric clarinet And He went something like... this:

Release History

Upload Album Cover

0000-00-00

Frank Zappa Unsorted

1. 50
2. Advance Romance (In Album You Can't Do That On Sta
3. Advance Romance (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 3 )
4. Baked-bean Boogie (Instrumental)
5. Black Napkins (Instrumental)
6. Building A Girl (1:00)
7. Carol, You Fool (4:11)
8. Carolina
9. Chana In De Bushwop (4:10)
10. Charles Ives (Instrumentals)
11. Cocaine Decisions (In Album You Can't Do That On S
12. Direct-from-hollywood Overture
13. Diseases Of The Band (2:22)
14. Drowning Witch (In Album You Can't Do That On Stag
15. Entrance Of The Central Scrutinizer
16. Every Time I See You (2:37)
17. F.z / Jcb Drum Duet (Instrumental)
18. Frank Zappa
19. Hot Rats
20. Introduction
21. Jawaka
22. Learning "Penis Dimension" (2:02)
23. Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (In Album You Can't
24. Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore
25. Make A Jazz Noise Here
26. Memories Of El Monte (2:44)
27. Moggio (Instrumental)
28. Montana (Whipping Floss) (10:15)
29. Nig Biz (5:50)
30. Once Upon A Time (0:60)
31. Return Of The Hunch-back Duke (Instrumental)
32. Ride My Face To Chicago (3:18)
33. Room Service (6:22)
34. Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme (Instrumental)
35. Ruthie-ruthie (2:21)
36. Satumaa
37. Satumaa (Finnish Tango) (3:51)
38. Scene Eight Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
39. Scene Five The Wet T Shirt Contest
40. Scene Four: Crew Slut
41. Scene Seven: Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
42. Scene Six: Toad-o Line
43. Scene Three Catholic Girls
44. Scene Two Joe's Garage
45. Sweet Leilani (2:39)
46. T**ties & Beer
47. The Florida Airport Tape (1:04)
48. The Groupie Routine (5:41)
49. The Little March (Instrumental)
50. The World's Greatest Sinner (2:27)
51. Titties C120n' Beer
52. Toad O Line (4:18)
53. Tush Tush Tush (3:30)
54. Tush Tush Tush (A Token Of My Extreme) (2:48)
55. Ycdtosa6
56. You Call That Music? (Instrumental)
57. You Didn't Try To Call Me (In Album Cruising With

1995

Kill Ugly Radio Some More

1. "It's OK To Be Smart..." (1:20)
2. Plastic People (3:42)
3. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow (Single Version) (3:34)
4. My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (3:32)
5. "Obscenity Is A Legal Term..." (1:25)
6. Let's Make The Water Turn Black (2:01)
7. Trouble Every Day (5:08)
8. Transylvania Boogie (5:00)
9. Once Upon A Time (0:60)
10. Be In My Video (3:37)
11. Fine Girl (3:24)
12. "I Think The First Thing That I Did..." (0:24)
13. Dancin' Fool (4:00)
14. Goblin Girl (4:07)
15. "I Go Out There And Give 'Em Everything That I Can..." (1:01)
16. Echidna's Arf (Of You) (4:48)
17. Royal March From "L'Histoire Du Soldat" (1:01)
18. "The Horrible Part Of It Is..." (0:36)
19. Montana (Single Version) (4:48)
20. Drowning Witch (9:20)
21. "You Have Any Last Words..." (0:10)
22. Nyc Halloween Audience (0:43)
23. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance (3:52)

1988

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore (Vinyl Sampler)

1. Plastic People (3:42)
2. The Torture Never Stops (14:04)
3. Montana (Whipping Floss) (10:15)
4. The Evil Prince (7:12)
5. You Call That Music? (4:07)
6. Sharleena (10:26)
7. Nanook Rubs It (6:44)
8. The Florida Airport Tape (1:04)
9. Once Upon A Time (0:60)
10. King Kong (23:11)
11. Dickie's Such An Asshole (9:06)
12. Cosmic Debris (3:04)

1988

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1

1. The Florida Airport Tape (1:04)
2. Once Upon A Time (0:60)
3. Sofa #1 (2:53)
4. The Mammy Anthem (5:41)
5. You Didn't Try To Call Me (3:39)
6. Diseases Of The Band (2:22)
7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin (3:57)
8. Let's Make The Water Turn Black / Harry, You're A Beast / The Orange County Lumber Truck (3:28)
9. The Groupie Routine (5:41)
10. Ruthie-ruthie (2:21)
11. Babbette (3:36)
12. I'm The Slime (3:20)
13. Big Swifty (8:48)
14. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow (0:57)
15. Plastic People (3:42)
16. The Torture Never Stops (14:04)
17. Fine Girl (3:24)
18. Zomby Woof (5:39)
19. Sweet Leilani (2:39)
20. Oh No (1:47)
21. Be In My Video (3:37)
22. The Deathless Horsie (6:20)
23. The Dangerous Kitchen (1:50)
24. Dumb All Over (4:03)
25. Heavenly Bank Account (3:16)
26. Suicide Chump (9:06)
27. Tell Me You Love Me (2:42)
28. Sofa #2 (3:01)

09 May 1988

You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Volume 1

1. Plastic People (3:42)
2. The Florida Airport Tape (1:04)
3. Once Upon A Time (0:60)
4. The Torture Never Stops (14:04)
5. Fine Girl (3:24)
6. Sofa #1 (2:53)
7. The Mammy Anthem (5:41)
8. Zomby Woof (5:39)
9. Sweet Leilani (2:39)
10. You Didn't Try To Call Me (3:39)
11. Diseases Of The Band (2:22)
12. Oh No (1:47)
13. Be In My Video (3:37)
14. Tryin' To Grow A Chin (3:57)
15. Let's Make The Water Turn Black / Harry, You're A Beast / The Orange County Lumber Truck (3:28)
16. The Deathless Horsie (6:20)
17. The Dangerous Kitchen (1:50)
18. The Groupie Routine (5:41)
19. Dumb All Over (4:03)
20. Ruthie-ruthie (2:21)
21. Babbette (3:36)
22. Heavenly Bank Account (3:16)
23. I'm The Slime (3:20)
24. Suicide Chump (9:06)
25. Big Swifty (8:48)
26. Tell Me You Love Me (2:42)
27. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow (0:57)
28. Sofa #2 (3:01)