Death Becomes Her Quotes

Do you like Death Becomes Her?

•  
• 
•  
• Favorite

(Helen has a gaping hole in her abdomen)
Madeline Ashton: You`re a fraud, Helen! You`re a walking lie and I can see right through you.

Helen: Oh ok! Well if she`s not dead, you tell her to come down here, come right up to me and kiss me on the...
Madeline: Kiss you on the what?
Helen: Mad?
Madeline: Hel...

Ernest Menville: (at Helen`s book party) Have you seen her yet?
Madeline: What a joke. She`s not even here.
Ernest Menville: Wait. Look over there.
Madeline: (a heavy-set woman stands surrounded by people) Oh! Looks as though she`s lost a few pou-
(the heavy set lady moves out of the way to reveal the incredibly thin Helen Sharp)

(Helen pours alcohol all over Madeline`s car and then dumps the bottles inside, revealing dozens of bottles and alcohol everywhere)
Helen: We`ll make it look like she`s had just a little bit too much to drink...

(after being shot into a pond, by Madeline)
Helen: That was totally uncalled for.

(Lisle has just stabbed Ernest`s finger with the dagger)
Ernest Menville: Ah! Wha-what are you doing?
Lisle Von Rhuman: I`m loving you.

(after seeing her transformation)
Madeline Ashton: I`m a girl!

(after seeing Mad)
Helen Sharp: It`s alive!
(Cut line)
Helen Sharp: And it`s beautiful...

Madeline Ashton: Oh, for Christ`s sake, at least lie quickly!
Dakota: I`m trying to!

Madeline Ashton: Ernest... my ass! I can see MY ASS!

Lisle Von Rhuman: This is life`s ultimate cruelty. It offers us a taste of youth and vitality, and then it makes us witness our own decay.

Madeline Ashton: Wrinkled, wrinkled little star... hope they never see the scars.

Psychologist: You have got to forget about her! You have got to erase her from your mind. You have to completely eliminate any tra...
Helen Sharp: What?
Psychologist: You have to completely eliminate...
Helen Sharp: You`re right.
Psychologist: What?
Helen Sharp: You`re absolutely right!

(Rose is serving breakfast in bed to Madeline Ashton)
Rose: Good morning, madam. You look absolutely marvelous.
Madeline Ashton: Hey, wait a minute. Aren`t you forgetting something?
Rose: Well, it`s only Thursday - you told me just to say it...
Madeline Ashton: Well, never mind that. I think I need you to say it every morning.
Rose: Very well. "Oh, madam! You look younger every day!"
Madeline Ashton: Thank you, Rose. Thank you very much.

(Madeline Ashton is begging to have plastic surgery)
Madeline Ashton: Are you listening to me? Do you even care? You stand there with your 22-year-old skin and your tits like rocks and laugh, and...
(sobs)

Anna: How about a nice colagen buff?
Madeline Ashton: "A colagen buff"? You might as well ask me to wash with soap and water!
Anna: I could do your make-up myself...
Madeline Ashton: Make-up is POINTLESS! It does nothing anymore! Are you even listening to me? Do you even care? You stand there with your 22-year- old skin and your tits like ROCKS and laugh at me...
(sobs)

(Lisle scolds one of her "boys")
Lisle Von Rhoman: Make some room for my friend, for Chrissake. But... keep your ass handy.

Lisle Von Rhoman: You`re scared as Hell... of yourself. Of the body you once knew.
Madeline Ashton: I beg your pardon?
Lisle Von Rhoman: I am the one who understands. I am the one who knows your secret.

Helen Sharp: You`re a powerful sexual being, Ernest.
Ernest Menville: I am?
Helen Sharp: Yes, you are. If I never told you before, it was because I wasn`t the sort of girl who could say the word "sexual" without blushing. Well I can now. Sexual... sensual... sexy... sex... sex... sex...

Lisle Von Rhoman: How old would you guess I am? C`mon, don`t try to flatter me.
Madeline Ashton: Thirty-eight?
(Lisle Von Rhoman glares at her)
Madeline Ashton: TWENTY-eight... no, twenty-three...

Madeline Ashton: Bottoms up!
(Madeline drinks the potion)
Lisle Von Rhoman: Now, a warning.
Madeline Ashton: NOW a warning?

Emergency Room Doctor: I tell you what, kids, it`s, uh, odd thing here. Your wrist, uh, far as I can tell, is, uh, fractured in three places. Uh, and you`ve shattered, uh, two vertebrae, though I can`t be certain without an X-ray... The bone protrusion through the skin - that`s not a good sign. You`re body temperature is below 80, and your, your, your heart`s stopped beating.
Ernest Menville: What the hell does that mean?
Emergency Room Doctor: Exactly! What... what... I`m going to get a second opinion.
(the doctor leaves in a hurry)
Madeline Ashton: Well, it could be worse.

Ernest Menville: Where did you put my wife?
Second Doctor: She`s dead, sir. They took her to the morgue.
Ernest Menville: The morgue? She`ll be FURIOUS!

Helen Sharp: On guard, BITCH!

Anna: Mr.Chagall! I`m sorry, Mr.Chagall. I`m really, really sorry.
Chagall: Anna, don`t talk, just go away. Leave us alone, I don`t want to look at you anymore.
Anna: Oh, okay.
Chagall: Thank you so much.

(Helen has a gaping hole in her abdomen after being shot into a pool)
Helen: Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I`m soaking wet!

(Helen and Madeleine shatter into pieces after falling down stairs)
Helen: Do you remember where you parked the car?

Madeleine: Tell me, doctor. Do you think I`m starting to need you?

Madeline Ashton: (reading the title of Helen`s new book) "Forever Young?"...
Rose: I like that title.
Madeline Ashton: (Cackling) Ah, forever young... and eternally fat...

Lisle: He won`t get far. Not at his age.

Ernest: Is this an angel I see before me?

Madeleine: Oh, it`s you.
Ernest: Fine, dear, thank you, like a rock.

(about his wife)
Ernest: Is it up yet?

Madeleine: You`re dressed. Special occasion?

Madeleine: Could you just not breathe?

Madeleine: Look at you. You have a... waist.

Helen: Oh, gosh, I`m glad you came. I didn`t know if you would. I spoke to my PR woman and she said Madeleine Ashton goes to the opening of an envelope. Oh, those people can be so cruel!
Madeleine: Mmmm.
Helen: I fired her.
Madeleine: (pleased) Oh!
Helen: Well, I almost fired her.

Helen: She married a brilliant surgeon, and turned him into an undertaker.

Helen: I will not speak to you `til you put your head on straight.

Dakota: I`m completely alone.
Girl at Dakota`s: Dakota...
Dakota: Actually... Completely isn`t quite what I meant.

Lisle: We are creatures of the spring, you and I.

Helen: Madeleine! I need to speak to Madeleine!
Ernest: She`s not here.
Helen: Oh, thank god.

Ernest: You`re sitting there, you`re talking to me, but you`re dead!

Helen: Ernest, ask me to go. Ask me to leave this house immediately!
Ernest: You just got here!

Lisle: Drink that potion, and you`ll never grow even one day older. Don`t drink it, and continue to watch yourself rot.

(Lisle demonstrates the potion)
Madeline Ashton: Check ok?
Lisle Von Rhuman: Fine.

Helen: You have no talent for poverty.

Helen: She was a homebreaker. She was a man-eater. And she was a *bad* actress.

Madeleine: Do you know that they do to soft, bald, overweight Republicans in prison, Ernest?

Ernest Menville: She`s dead!
Madeline Ashton: She is? Oh. These are the moments that make life worth living.