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Marv: (stealing money from Duncan`s Toy Chest) This is more money than I can even count.
Harry: I don`t know why we wasted so much time robbing private homes.
Marv: (stuffing the bag with cash) The amazing thing is: we`re fugitives from the law, we`re up to our elbows in cash, and there`s nobody that even knows about it.
(Kevin taps on the window and waves)
Harry: He`s back!

Harry: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas eve that nobody`s gonna think to rob?
Marv: Candy stores!
Harry: Nine year olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.
(shows him an ad for Duncan`s Toy Chest)
Marv: That`s brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.
Harry: Yep. There`s nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas eve.
Marv: Oh yes there is.
(Points to Harry, then points to self)

Harry: Sonny!
Kevin McCallister: Yes?
Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain`t gonna mean all that much to me. Okay? But since we`re in a hurry, I`ll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won`t hurt you. You`ll never hear from us again. Okay?
Kevin McCallister: You promise?
Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.

Kevin McCallister: Oh no. My family is in Florida and I`m in New York...
(Gleefully)
Kevin McCallister: My family`s in Florida... I`m in... New York.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.
Kevin McCallister: Well he was pretty mad.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: He was?
Kevin McCallister: He said he didn`t come all the way to New York to get his naked rear end spied on.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Cedrick.
Cedrick the Bellman: Yes?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Don`t count your tips in public.

Buzz McCallister: Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn`t have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn`t be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I`ll go and the rest of you and so on.
(Tosses a package to Kevin)
Buzz McCallister: Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister: (the entire family applauds) Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Okay, Kevin! All right. Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister: Okay enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let`s dig in!

Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McCallister`s room service bill, Sir. Merry Christmas.
(holds out hand meagerly)
Buzz McCallister: Oh, here.
(takes wad of gum out of his mouth and places it in Cedrick`s outstretched hand)
Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
(leaves)

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: I`m confused.
Kevin McCallister: I`m traveling with my dad. He`s at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus I`m not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That`s boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won`t get into mischief. And ma`am sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: And how are you this morning?
Kevin McCallister: Fine. Is my transportation here?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Out in front sir. A limosuine and a piz-za! Compliments of the Plaza hotel.

Kate McCallister: Honey, are you packed yet?
Kevin McCallister: (records into Talk Boy) Yes.
Talk Boy: (plays back) Yes.
Kate McCallister: Everything I put out for you?
Kevin McCallister: (records into Talk Boy) Yes.
Talk Boy: (plays back) Yes.

Kate McCallister: Oh, did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip?
Kevin McCallister: Um, let me guess... Donald Duck slippers?
Kate McCallister: Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool.
Kevin McCallister: (sarcastically) How exciting.

Kevin McCallister: Why do we have to go to Florida? There`s no Christmas trees in Florida.
Kate McCallister: Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?
Kevin McCallister: How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?
Kate McCallister: Well... Find a nice, fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.

(in the basement, Marv built a tower out of assorted items)
Harry: Marv, are you sure this is safe?
Marv: Oh yes. I`ve worked all the kinks out. `Solid as a rock.
(they climb up. Seconds later, it all comes crashing down)
Harry: Like a rock, huh Marv?

Marv: He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies` charity money.
Harry: (Kicks Marv) Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know.
Marv: He`s a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
Harry: (Kicks Marv again) Shut up, Marv! Geez.
Policeman: Get`em outta here.
Marv: Remember, if this makes the papers, we`re no longer the Wet Bandits, we`re the Sticky Bandits!
Harry: (Kicks Marv again) Shut up!
Marv: That`s S...
Harry: (Kicks Marv again) Shut up!
Marv: ...T...
(Gets kicked again)
Marv: Ummm...
Harry: I.
Marv: ...I...

Marv: I`m gonna murder that kid.

Marv: Let`s kill.
Harry: Hold on peabrain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.
Marv: This ain`t like the last time. This ain`t his house. The kid`s running scared. He ain`t got a plan.
Harry: May I do the thinking please?

(Kevin walks in on Frank singing in the shower and frank sees him)
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here, you nosey little pervert or I`mgonna slap you silly!
(Kevin runs away and frank continues singing)
Uncle Frank McCallister: Ohhh, you`re cookin frankie!

Harry: (Harry and Marv have captured Kevin outside the Plaza hotel) We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.
Marv: We`re busted out of the klink and we`re doing fine. We`re going to be doing even better. Because we`re not robbing houses anymore. Now we`re robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we`re hitting Duncan`s Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it`s off to Rio...
Harry: Marv! Marv! You want to shut up?
Marv: What`s the difference? He`s not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.

Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there?
NY Ticket Agent: It`s New York, sir.
Kevin McCallister: (Gasps) Yikes, I did it again.
NY Ticket Agent: Something`s wrong, sir?
Kevin McCallister: (in shocked whisper) I`ll be fine...

(hotel servants crawls aways very fast)
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There`s an insane guest here with a gun!

(Harry readies to send Kevin to meet his maker)
Harry: (leveling his gun at Kevin) I never made it to the sixth grade, kid. And it doesn`t look like you`re gonna, either.

(Marv stands in the doorway of the under-re-construction apartment house, in front of a big hole in the floor)
Marv: Harry, I`ve reached the top!
(Marv steps forward and falls through the hole to the very bottom of the house, in the basement)

Marv: (Kevin reaches the entrance to the park, but slips on the ice - causing his vision to spin, as Harry and Marv appear over him) My, how the tables have turned.
Harry: How do you like the ice kid?
(Harry and Marv look at each other, they both laugh and pick Kevin up)
Harry: Let`s go for a little stroll in the park.

Officer Bennett: Put yourself in your kid`s shoes, lady, where would you go?
Kate McCallister: I`d probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere... but not Kevin, Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. But he`s still a kid lost in a big city, he doesn`t deserve that. He should be at home with his family around his Christmas tree... oh my God, I know where he is, I need to get to Rockefeller Center immediately.

Marv: (they catch Kevin) You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.

Sleeping Man: Watch it, kid! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Kevin McCallister: I won`t forget to remember you.
Bird Lady: Don`t make promises you can`t keep.

Kevin McCallister: My grandfather says if my head wasn`t screwed on, I`d leave it on the school bus.

Peter McCallister: I don`t think that it`s a good idea for you to be running all over New York all by yourself.
Kate McCallister: I think that if our son can do it, I can do it.
Peter McCallister: Kate, it...
Kate McCallister: Peter, I`ll be fine. The way I`m feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth...
(Kate slaps him)
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Do bundle up, it`s awfully cold outside.

Harry: (Yelling up to Kevin) Sonny. Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin` off a youngster doesn`t mean a lot to me. But, since we`re in a hurry, I`ll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won`t hurt you, you`ll never hear from us again.
Kevin McCallister: You Promise?
Harry: (Rubbing his chest with his finger) I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin McCallister: Okay.
(Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv in the forehead and Marv collapses to the ground)
Harry: (Holding up 3 fingers) How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Marv: (Dazed) Uh, 8.
Harry: (to Kevin) You wanna throw bricks, go ahead throw another one.
(Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again)
Harry: If you can`t do any better than that kid, you`re gonna lose.
(Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again)
Harry: You got anymore?
(to Marv)
Harry: C`mon Marv, get up, he`s outta bricks.
(Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick)
Harry: What?
(Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv in the forehead)
Harry: C`mon Marv get up, nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
(to Marv)
Harry: go in the front, I`m going around the back.
Marv: (Still Dazed) Harry. Harry. Harry.

(in the basement, looking up at the hole he fell through)
Marv: Wow! What a hole!


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