Diane: Oh no. The thing I feared most has happened.
Carla: What? Your Living Bra died of boredom?
Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah, now let`s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.
(to Diane in court)
Sam: To me, our relationship makes perfect sense. You want me to propose to you, I propose to you. You say no, I say fine, I never wanna see you again. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose again, I do, you turn me down. Next thing I know I`m in a court of law where I`ve got to propose to you or go to jail. It`s the classic American love story.
Sam: What`ll you have Normie?
Norm: Well, I`m in a gambling mood Sammy. I`ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
Sam: What`s new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They`ve taken over my stomach and they`re demanding beer.
Woody: Hey Mr. Peterson, there`s a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know. If she calls, I`m not here.
Woody: Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Alright, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty.
Woody: What`s going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The question is what`s going *in* Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody.
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I`d like a dead cat in a glass.
Diane: He`s trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Carla: He wants you to wear a padded bra?
Norm: I want something light and cold.
Carla: Sorry, it`s Diane`s day off.
Carla: If you can`t say anything nice, say it about Diane.
Cliff: Is this me or is this getting a little weird?
Carla: You passed weird six months ago.
Norm: Now you`re boldly going where no man has gone before.
Cliff: Boy, I guess it`s true what they say, huh? There`s a fine line between gardening and madness.
Norm: It`s a dog eat dog world, and I`m wearing Milkbone underwear.
Frasier: I`ve been taking stock of myself.
Carla: Not exactly AT&T, is it?
Diane: Sam, may I have a brief word with you?
Sam: I suppose you could, but I doubt it.
Cliff: Hey Carla, I have a potato that looks like Richard Milhouse Nixon.
Carla: Big deal. Show me one that doesn`t.
Sam: I`ve never met an intelligent woman I`d want to date.
Diane: On behalf of all the intelligent women in America, may I just say: whew.
Woody: What`s shakin`, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins.
Nick: You think it`s easy being a lousy father?
Norm: Women. You can`t live with `em. Pass the beernuts.
Cliff: What a pathetic display. I`m ashamed God made me a man.
Carla: I don`t think God`s doing a lot of bragging either.
Sam: What are you up to, Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight... if I were 11 feet tall.
Coach: Norm, how come you and Vera never had any kids?
Norm: I can`t, Coach.
Coach: Gee, I`m sorry Norm.
Norm: I look at Vera. I just can`t.
Carla: (to Sam after he complains about the difficulty of doing a Catholic penance) "It`s not a religion for wusses."
Coach: (answering the phone) Cheers. Ok, wait a minute, I`ll check. Is there an "Ernie Pantusso" here?
Sam: That`s YOU Coach.
Frasier: For I am a healer, that is what I do.
Cliff: And WE are PANTSERS...
Norm: THAT is what WE do.
Sam: And while you`re up there floating around, remember the day I said this: you are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met.
Diane: You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered son of a...
Sam: SHUT UP. Shut your fat mouth.
Diane: Make me.
Sam: Make you? My God, I`m gonna... I`m gonna... I`m gonna bounce you off every wall of this office.
Diane: Try it and you`ll be walking funny tomorrow. Or should I say funnier.
Norm: I have, on several occasions, been known to perspire a bit.
Carla: We could grow rice.
Sam: Sorry. We`re closed.
Lilith: Frasier, how do expect Frederick to learn all the skills he needs if you`re hanging out all day in a bar?
Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
Frederick Crane: Norm.
(everyone stops and looks at Frederick)
Lilith: (picking up Frederick) Oh, he said, "Mama."
(Norm and Cliff watch Frasier and Lilith make out their wills)
Cliff: I don`t see what the fuss is over this whole will business. When I die, everything goes to ma.
Norm: That`s great, Cliff, but what if she dies first?
Cliff: Shut up. Shut up, Peterson. SHUT UP, THE WHOLE SICK LOT OF YOU.
Norm: A thirsty guy walks into a bar... you finish it.
Mrs. Helen Chambers: (to Sam) ... you`re almost as good looking as Diane says you think you are.
Carla: If the Brady Bunch crashes in the Andes who would they eat first?
Woody: Well probably the maid, `cause she`s not kin
Cliff: Yeah, but if they were smart they would ask her the best way to prepare herself.
(Lilith and Frasier are having a fight)
Lilith: I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I`d like to see you in Hell.
Rebecca: Your not letting your employees take advantage of you, are you?
Norm: Yeah, maybe a little bit. Yesterday afternoon the guys decided to just knock off early and go bowling.
Rebecca: So what did you do?
Norm: I broke 200. Personal high. It was great.
Carla: What are you all sitting around here like a bunch of wimps for?
Norm: It`s what wimps do.
Cliff: Hey Doc, ah, what do you think the toughest thing to cut through is?
Frasier: Your unending bull.
Rebecca: I know you have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority.
Sam: Whoa, wait a minute. I resent that. I`ve never had trouble with a woman in ANY position.
Coach: I`m working on a novel. Going on six years now. I think I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You`re writing a novel?
Coach: No, reading it.
Sam: I`m Sam Malone, by the way.
Henri: Ooh. I`ve heard about you in France.
Sam: Oh yeah. You follow baseball?
Henri: No, stewardesses.
Woody: Sam, I found an apartment... It`s got everything I ever wanted... a living room and a bedroom.
Sam: Isn`t this in Chinatown?
Woody: I don`t think so Sam.
Sam: Well yeah I think it is. Did there seem to be a lot of Chinese restaurants around?
Woody: Yeah, I guess so.
Cliff: Were there a lot of uh signs hanging hither and yonder in Chinese there?
Woody: Yeah, come to think of it.
Norm: Lots of Chinese people walking around in the street I suppose.
Woody: Yeah, but that could just be a coincidence you know. I`ll tell you what I`ll do. I`ll call my landlady. If anyone would know, Mrs. Chung would.
Rebecca: So did you get a chance to see Carla`s babies?
Sam: We sure did. They are two of the cutest little guys you have ever seen.
Rebecca: Who do they look like Carla or Eddie.
Woody: Well they`re twins. They kinda` look like each other.
Coach: How`s life treating you Norm?
Norm: Like it caught me in bed with its wife.
Coach: How`s life treating you Norm?
Norm: Like I just ran over its dog.
(Norm walks in, and sits)
Cliff: Hey, Norm, What`s up?
Norm: My blood-alcohol level.
Lilith: Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Sternin. What a lovely surprise.
Lilith: I hope I can regard that as civility in light of today`s situation rather than sarcasm at my expense.
Frasier: No, that was completely at your expense.
Diane: And everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.
Sam: Well, whatever you say. I really don`t care.
Sam: Have you noticed that, uh... somebody in this bar is getting a little loony?
Frasier: Sam, everyone in this bar is on a connecting flight to beyond loony.
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