Chandler:"What we did last night was...."
Chandler:"Totally crazy stupid."
Monica""What were we thinking?"
Chandler:"I'm coming over tonight though, right?"
Monica""Oh yeah, definitely." (tbs.com)
Rachel: "Phoebe, I'm not going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy. You know, clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! You know, I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross, yeah! But, I have... I have, you know, continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that... that I'm still in love with him. You'know? I have... I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him... Oh! Oh my God! Oh my... why didn't you tell me?" (tbs.com)
Some girl ate Monica!!!"
"Shut up! The camera adds 10 pounds."
"Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you? (tbs.com)
Rachel: You don`t want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?
Jill Green: No. What?
Rachel: Well... she died.
Chandler: That was pretty intense, huh?
Joey: Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn`t think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here.
Chandler: I hope he did.
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there`s only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.
Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? That`s like saying there`s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There`s lots of flavors out there. There`s Rockey Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
Ross: I honestly don`t know if I`m hungry or horney.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer.
Susie: How come all I think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it.
Ross: I`m so exciting, I haven`t seen my monkey in almost a year.
Chandler: What, you never look down in the shower?
Chandler: Oh, please. I`m not allowed to make *one* joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
Joey: Hey, I got something for you.
Chandler: What`s this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
Chandler: Well, I don`t know what Big Leon told you but it`s an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.
Ross: You know, you probably didn`t know this, but back in high school, I had a major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did. Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica`s geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don`t input those numbers... it doesn`t make much of a difference.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven`t had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don`t do it. I don`t think that was my point.
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Ross: (glum) My wife`s a lesbian.
Chandler: Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.
Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Ross: I guess I should have known... we`d be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I`d think, "My wife is cool."
Chandler: Where is Ross at? Hasn`t he checked out yet?
Monica: Are you kidding me? It`s not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.
Rachel: Oh yeah that`s right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!
Rachel: That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.
Phoebe: Yeah that`ll kill it.
Joey: Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they`re extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I`m not judging here.
Monica: Can`t we tell your parents first?
Richard: They`re both dead.
Monica: Oh, you are *so* lucky.
Monica: Okay, I`ve got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
Phoebe: (as Ross sits down on the sofa, Phoebe begins "cleansing his aura")
Ross: Oh no, no stop cleansing my aura...
Ross: No just leave my aura alone... OK?
Phoebe: Fine... be murky...
Ross: I`ll be fine... really you guys, I hope she`ll be very happy...
Monica: No you don`t...
Ross: No I don`t! To hell with her! She left me!
Joey: You never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: (stares at Joey...) No! OK? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn`t know. How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
(everyone stares at Chandler)
Chandler: ...Did I say that out loud?
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don`t have a dream.
Ross: Ah, the lesser known "I Don`t Have a Dream" speech.
Rachel: I`ve never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe: You`ve never asked a guy out?
Rachel: No. Have you?
Phoebe: Thousands of times. That doesn`t make me sound good, does it?
So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler: Oh, they said, uh, "You don`t have insurance here so stop calling us."
Chandler: How do you not fall down more often?
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel: No, but don`t worry. I`m sure they`re still there.
Monica: Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?
Chandler: (dancing and singing) She`s on the other line, gonna call me back, she`s on the other line, gonna call me back.
Monica: Don`t you still have to pee?
Chandler: That`s why I`m dancing.
Ross: Heating device?
Ross: Five letters.
Chandler: You know, I`m really glad er decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Monica: Me too.
Chandler: You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours...
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think... bossy and domineering?
Monica: The wedding is off, sloppy and immature.
(they get up)
Monica: Oh, wait. We can`t, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room.
Chandler: Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Monica: Shrill? The wedding`s back on.
Joey: What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet.
Joey: We don`t know how long we`re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
Phoebe: We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys.
Chandler: You don`t want to be guys, you`d be all hairy and you wouldn`t live as long.
Rachel: You don`t just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone.
Monica: You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry.
Rachel: For once, could you not just remember every little thing?
Monica: I`m dating a guy whose pool I was peed in.
Richard: I didn`t have to know that.
Joey: Want some jam?
Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
Joey: And look. A phone in the batroom.
Monica: Joey, don`t ever call me from that phone.
Monica: I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.
Ross: Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.
Rachel: Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?
Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I`m thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.
Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I`ve already seen one.
Joey: Aw, man. He took the five of spades.
(looking through deck)
Joey: No, here it is.
Joey: And you call yourself an accountant?
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I`m sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Eddie: (Chandler just asked him to move out) This is kinda out of the blue, isn`t it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn`t out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
Joey: I`ll just go pee in the street.
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I`m going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
(Monica and Chandler look impressed)
Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
Joey: Okay, you guys, I`ve got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can`t think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving.
Chandler: You can`t come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Chandler: Well, I couldn`t tell her *I* was naked. She`s allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine`s Day. So, if you don`t mind, would you just go back home?
(Ross enters with his gift for Mona)
Rachel: What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross: (nervously gives Mona her present) Happy Valentine`s Day.
(Mona stares angrily at Ross)
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...