Jackass Number Two Quotes

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Johnny Knoxville: (after taking a fall) My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that.
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Johnny Knoxville: This is REALLY gonna suck!
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Johnny Knoxville: (On the Torro-Totter, Chris gets hit in the leg by the bull) Are you okay?
Chris Pontius: Yeah, hold on.
Johnny Knoxville: What do you mean "hold on"? The bull's not gonna hold on!
Chris Pontius: Ah, he got me in the leg. Goddamn, these bulls are strong!
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Chris Pontius: I'm so glad I'm not the star of this movie.
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Manny Puig: Bam just took a golden dildo up his ass at high speeds. That's what happened.
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Steve-O: All right cast me out, goddammit!
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(Bam has just been branded with a penis-shaped branding iron)
Bam Margera: You gave me a hologram dick! There's three solid dicks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.
Johnny Knoxville: But a sweet set of balls!
Bam Margera: Rad... I'd rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn!
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Wee Man: What? I can't hear... kinda.
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Ehren McGhehey: Where I'm going, I don't need luggage
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Steve-O: Dude, Wee Man, I would never use a card throwing machine on you!
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Chris Pontius: Water-based lubricants, friend or foe? You be the judge.
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Wee Man: (Getting shocked by an electric stool) Ah! Arrrgghh!
(Jumps of off the stool)
Wee Man: No, I don't fucking like that dude, I don't fucking like that dude. That fucking hurts, dude.
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April Margera: (after seeing the brand on Bam's ass) You're going to have that for life!
Bam Margera: No shit!
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Johnny Knoxville: That long hair don't cover up your red neck.
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Bam Margera: We're here at April and Phil's house and I'm gonna present them the branded dick on my butt. No let me rephrase that - DICKS!
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Chris Pontius: Hey Ehren, maybe after this movie you'll finally lose your virginity.
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Dave England: (gets knocked out by a large airbag) Ah... fuckin' shit... what was that shit? It's fuckin' in my eyes...
Johnny Knoxville: Oh! Oooo!
Dave England: Uh... what the fuck was that?
Johnny Knoxville: Oh my...
Dave England: I fuckin' don't understand... what the fuck did you do to me? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Johnny Knoxville: Uh... are you...
Dave England: You're fuckin' me up man!
Johnny Knoxville: Let's go inside man!
Dave England: Oh FUCK DUDE... I... that was fuckin' CRAZY!
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Chris Pontius: I can't believe I'm fishing with Steve-o as my bait!
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Johnny Knoxville: (Lance is laughing hysterically) I think we broke him!
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Johnny Knoxville: This is the Toro Totter. It's me and Pontius vs. Dunn and Bam - and the last guy on the Totter is the winner.
Chris Pontius: It's gonna be a blood bath.
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Chris Pontius: Get ready to be happy ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Knoxville is gonna jump the entire lake! He's amazing.
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Chris Pontius: (after drinking horse semen) I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself.
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Steve-O: I just had a leech chomp my eyeball. YES!
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Bam Margera: So the guys think they're coming here for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof and we've rigged the locks so they can't get out.
Johnny Knoxville: And when they do get out, we got some marbles waiting for them.
Bam Margera: This is the Beehive Limo.
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Bam Margera: The boys think they're arriving for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof, and we've rigged the locks so they cant get out.
Johnny Knoxville: And when they do get out we've got some marbles waiting for 'em.
Bam Margera: This is the Beehive Limo.
(imdb.com)

Steve-O: It's times like these when you know - Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude.
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Ryan Dunn: (Riding Oldskool BMX) Why would anybody ride this shit? What's the reasoning? Why can't they just make two of the same size wheel?
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Dimitry Elyashkevich: (Johnny Knoxville is ready to be launced on the rocket) 5... 4... 3... 2... 1!
Bam Margera: Later!
(Presses the launch button)
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Indian Doctor: I do not recommend putting leeches on testicles.
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Steve-O: I'm Steve-O, and sorry Dad, but no one's gonna miss this for the world. This is the Butt Chug.
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Bam Margera: Ape, I got a muffed-up ass butt!
April Margera: I know, and you had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!
Bam Margera: No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
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Bam Margera: Knoxville is gonna see what the moon looks like!
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April Margera: You had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!
Bam Margera: No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
(imdb.com)

Manny Puig: The anaconda is the largest snake in the world. It feeds on large animals and can kill grown men within minutes. Wee-Man, probably in seconds.
Johnny Knoxville: Why would you say that right before we film?
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Bam Margera: It's time to play a game with a bunch of these medicine balls, and they're heavy as shit!
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April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place, Dunn?
Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny...
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Chris Pontius: (after Wee Man and Preston go bungee jumping off the bridge) That was intense, really intense. Well, not really intense, but pretty intense.
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Johnny Knoxville: Doc, can you help us?
Indian Doctor: Uh, yeah, why not?
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Johnny Knoxville: Ok, who brought crabs to the party? Ha ha. One of the guys had crabs!
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Johnny Knoxville: If your asshole can't see the camera, the camera can't see your asshole
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Wee Man: What are thinking about, Preston?
Preston Lacy: I wish all of that water was gravy and all those cars were giant biscuits.
Wee Man: (laughing) Are you hungry?
Preston Lacy: I was just saying...
Wee Man: Oh, all right!
(imdb.com)

Chris Pontius: (dressed in a devil costume) Keep God outta California! Whoo! Let Charlie Daniels write a song about this! God is *out*! He can have the other 48... or 49... whatever...
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Chris Pontius: (after jumping out of an open sewer grate, dressed as the devil) I landed straight on my head. I am just... fucked.
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Ryan Dunn: I was scared of burnin' my own friend.
April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place Dunn?
Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny.
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Dave England: (while chewing on horse shit) It's so dry!
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Johnny Knoxville: It's gonna hurt a lot, but it's just loud.
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Bam Margera: Please God, don't let there be a "Jackass 3".
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Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the Anaconda Ball Pit.
(Wee Man hits him in the groin)
Johnny Knoxville: FUCK! I have on a cup and that still hurts!
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Jordan Houston: This is the bravest motherfucker right here - two hundred smackaroos - it's not counterfeit, it's real - to eat horse shit!
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Dave England: Oh God! Oh... Oh... Oh God!... my ass hurts so fucking bad!
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