Before 8 January 1513, when she was only fifteen and he was thirty-five years of age, Elizabeth married, as his second wife, Thomas Howard, then Earl of Surrey. He had previously been married to Anne Plantagenet, the daughter of King Edward IV, by whom he had a son, Thomas, who died 3 August 1508.
Elizabeth had earlier been promised in marriage to her father's ward, Ralph Neville, 4th Earl of Westmorland. The young Elizabeth and Ralph Neville seem to have been mutually devoted, and years later, in a letter to Thomas Cromwell dated 28 September 1537, Elizabeth recalled that:
'He and I had loved together two years, an my lord my husband had not sent immediately word after my lady and my lord's first wife was dead, he made suit to my lord my father, or else I had been married before Christmas to my Lord of Westmorland.'
Elizabeth's father initially attempted to persuade Howard to marry one of his other daughters, but according to Elizabeth, 'He would have none of my sisters, but only me'.
Elizabeth brought Howard a dowry of 2000 marks, and was promised a jointure of 500 marks a year, although Howard apparently never kept that promise. In her later letters she asserted that she had been a dutiful wife, continuing to serve at court daily ‘sixteen years together' while her husband was absent in King Henry VIII's wars, and accompanying him to Ireland when he was posted there in 1520–22. She bore him five children, and according to Graves, as late as 1524, when he became 3rd Duke of Norfolk, 'they appeared to be bonded by mutual love'.
However in 1527 Norfolk took a mistress, Bess Holland, the daughter of his steward, with whom he lived openly at Kenninghall, and whom the Duchess described variously in her letters as a bawd, a drab, and 'a churl's daughter', 'which was but washer of my nursery eight years'. It appears the Duchess' anger caused her to exaggerate Bess Holland's inferior social status, as her family were probably minor gentry, and she eventually became a lady-in-waiting to Queen Anne Boleyn.
During the long period in which King Henry VIII sought to have his marriage to Katherine of Aragon annulled, the Duchess remained staunchly loyal to Queen Katherine and antagonistic towards her husband's niece, Anne Boleyn, with whom the King was infatuated. Late in 1530 it was noted that the Duchess was secretly conveying letters to Queen Katherine from Italy concealed in oranges, which the Queen passed on to the Imperial ambassador, Eustace Chapuys, and at one time the Duchess told Chapuys that her husband, the Duke, had confided in her that Anne would be 'the ruin of all her family'. In 1531 the Duchess was exiled from court at Anne Boleyn's request for too freely declaring her loyalty to Katherine.
According to Graves, the Duchess also quarrelled with Anne over Anne's insistence that the Duchess' daughter, Mary Howard, should marry Henry VIII's illegitimate son, Henry FitzRoy. When Anne Boleyn was crowned on 1 June 1533, the Duchess refused to attend the coronation 'from the love she bore to the previous Queen'.
Meanwhile the Duchess' own marriage continued to deteriorate. The Duke refused to give up his mistress, and resolved to separate from his wife. Both the Duke and Thomas Cromwell requested the Duchess' brother to take her in, a suggestion he utterly rejected. The Duchess wrote of her husband's abuse of her during this period, claiming that when she was recovering after the birth of her daughter, Mary, he had pulled her out of bed by the hair, dragged her through the house, and wounded her with a dagger. In three separate letters to Cromwell the Duchess repeated the accusation that the Duke had 'set his women to bind me till blood came out at my fingers' ends, and pinnacled me, and sat on my breast till I spit blood, and he never punished them'. Howard responded to the stream of allegations by writing that 'I think the apparent false lies were never contrived by a wife of her husband that she doth daily increase of me'.
Whatever the truth of the allegations, continued cohabitation was clearly impossible, and on 23 March 1534 Howard forced a separation. According to the Duchess, the Duke had ridden all night, and arriving home in a furious temper had locked her in a chamber and taken away all her jewels and apparel. She was sent to a house in Redbourne, Hertfordshire, from which she wrote a stream of letters to Cromwell complaining that was kept in a state of virtual imprisonment with a meagre annual allowance of only £200. At first the Duchess attempted to reconcile with her husband, but when she received no reply to her 'kind letters' to the Duke, she declared to Cromwell in a letter dated 30 December 1536 that 'from this day forward I will never sue to the King, nor to none other, to desire my lord my husband to ta